There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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