Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
