Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
