You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
