my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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