I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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