I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
