Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
