If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize