so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
