the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
