chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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