We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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