i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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