I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If I die, sorry about rent.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize