I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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