It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
