There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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