I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
