Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
