She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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