would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
