If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
