i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize