I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
