Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
