It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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