So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im holly from the hills drunk
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
