dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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