is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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