Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
