the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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