Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
