you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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