I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
