He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
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We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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