And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
