my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
