its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
