After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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