i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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