I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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