he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
