take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
