i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
