im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize