I accidentally had phone sex last night
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
