Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
