I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
