I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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