White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
