he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
