Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
