My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
