ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
