And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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