No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
