He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
