never play flip cup with pint glasses
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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