I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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