Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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