Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
