dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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