Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
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As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize