I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
