i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
