I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
