went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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