we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
