My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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