walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
