UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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