I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
