Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
