made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
