dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
