just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
