Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
