i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
