End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
