You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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