u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
